I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you. Meeseeks are not born into this world fumbling for meaning, Jerry! We are created to serve a single purpose, for which we go to any lengths to fulfill. Fear cuts deeper than swords. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. And I don't like you...jerk-off. Wait, I know you On the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons. Things are not always as they seemed, much that may seem evil can be good. That's gotta sting. Weddings are basically funerals with cake.

Chuck Norris doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.

Evolution? they said to themselves, Who needs it?